What lips my lips have kissed, and where, and why,

I have forgotten, and what arms have lain

Under my head till morning; but the rain

Is full of ghosts tonight, that tap and sigh

Upon the glass and listen for reply;

And in my heart there stirs a quiet pain

For unremembered lads that not again

Will turn to me at midnight with a cry.

Thus in the winter stands the lonely tree,

Nor knows what birds have vanished one by one,

Yet knows its boughs more silent than before:

I cannot say what loves have come and gone;

I only know that summer sang in me

A little while, that in me sings no more.

Edna St. Vincent Millay


It was cold, the coldest I had ever been in my entire life, despite the 105 degree Oklahoma heat that day. I swore even my bone marrow had turned to ice, or at least slush. Off in the distance I could hear a faint whirring sound of a motor, similar to a chainsaw. My eyes were heavy, it was dark but I knew it still had to be daylight, and I struggled to open them. The chainsaw sound stopped and I could hear male voices far away, drifting closer then farther away, I couldnt make out what was being said. I could smell gasoline. My mouth was full of blood, I immediately recognized the hot metallic taste,and what I later found out was windshield glass and pieces of my teeth. I tried to move but my body was pinned by something heavy. I tried to speak but I could not move my mouth, it was numb. Someone was close to my head, they were talking to me, they called me by my name but I did not recognize the voice, one word I did recognize was lifeflight. I put 2+2 together and the chainsaw sound was the ‘jawsoflife’.

This happened to me in 2001 at the age of 32 yo. I was hit head on by another woman travelling about 45-50 mph. I was driving our camaro, she was driving a dodge pick up truck. She walked away from an accident she caused, I flew away in a helicopter. This was a day I ultimately realized, I could die very, very easily.

About 10 days later, I hobbled out of Hillcrest Hospital (with the aid of a walker) with a broken mandible, severe concussion, 9 broken ribs, a casted left leg which my lateral meniscus was entirely removed from my knee, a badly bruised right kidney, and some extensive dental work and future surgeries to look forward to. My recovery was quick. I had a great physical therapist, a good maxiofacial MD, and an awesome ortho surgeon. My dentist……….well I hate dentists, even the best ones.

I had always gone thru life with the mentality: live today worry about tomorrow later. When my husband and I were dating, he once said to me something along the lines of this: “Either I was completely crazy with a death wish or my appetite for adventure was too insatiable”.

Things soon changed after my motor vehicle accident. I no longer feel the unstoppable strength I felt in my teens and twenties. I know now for a fact, my mortality is just as much as the next person, it never became more clearer than on that hot July day in 2001.




Filed under MeMeMe

12 responses to “Mortality

  1. WOW! Powerfully written. So glad you made, live the day!

  2. oh my god barngoddess. I could just feel myself there with you. what a horrible experience. I’m grateful you’ve come out of it. what a life changing experience!

  3. I echo Rude1 and Kyahgirl – amazing post.

  4. thanks friends : ) this incident isint something I talk very much about….easier to put it into words. I think my poor hubby is still traumatized over this event, ya know-he beat the chopper to Tulsa and was waiting in the ER when I arrived,my best friend L, the ER nurse and trauma MD told me this when I woke up.

  5. Thank God for those Hillcrest ortho docs!!!

    Such a terrible experience.

    I’m glad you made it through … enjoy those kids, and horses!

  6. Hillcrest orthos are pretty darn good : )

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  9. Your post will hopefully make others slow down and be more alert. This was scary to read, but necessary. I’m glad you wrote it!

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