Goodbye Is All We’ve Got Left To Say…….

It’s damn hot, unforgiving, relentless hot. 104 degrees + blinding sun. When you open the door to the outside, the heat smacks so hard, it takes your breath away. It is so hot outside, Toddler Terror is not even throwing a spaz fit to play outdoors, Elvis refuses to go outside and needs a kick in his hiney to get his little 6# ass out the door to go potty. Scooter is lolling between his cool, inside stall where I have a fan turned on for him and the huge shady tree in front of the house. He is drinking massive amounts of water, which is great. So are us humans….

I miss having 2 horses here…

I’ve been stewing about this for nearly the last 24 hours. Yesterday, I was sitting in my car waiting for son#1 to finish up with football practice and my friend L. (not to be confused w/ best friend L.) pulled up next to me in the parking lot. I was suprised to see her. L.’s kids go to school in a different town, miles away, altho they did once attend the same school system as my son. She was full of smiles and jumped inside my car to visit. She said “Dont you ever check your voice mail?” No, my cell phone has been broken for ages, well actually, my phone charger has been broken since shortly after we moved. I am NOT buying a new charger, I am holding out for a brand new phone. Anyhow, L. said she had been trying to get ahold of me for about 1 week. Obviously NOT that hard, I thought to myself. Which was not nice, she probably had. I have call privacy on my home phone and if the phone number is not recognized, it does not allow calls thru. I rarely look at the caller ID or look to see who has tried to call me and was blocked by privacy manager. I figure, if its important, they know where I live….and it cant be that important if my privacy manager isint recognizing their number. Yes, kind of bitchy of me but I like my privacy and not being bothered by people or telemarketers and such.

So, L. has this look in her eyes like she is trying to get past pleasantries and tell me what is really on her mind. I took it upon myself and said ” okay, tell me the good stuff, I can tell you’ve got some news for me.” She informed me that He had called her 2 times trying to get ahold of me. He wanted her to give me a message, that He wanted me to call him and that it was important. L. knew about him and the way things were in my life at that time. She is a true blue friend. She never judged me or my actions, she was very much like my best guy friend D. she was just there when I needed a friend, a female friend to talk female things. L. and He are also friends, thru me. I asked her what he wanted. L. said he had broken up with the legal secretary at our mutual lawyer’s office and the secretary was heart-broken. I asked L. what that had to do with me? L. just said, she didnt have any idea but that He really, really wanted to talk to me. I could tell by her hesitation she knew more. I told her again to let me have all of the news. L. said, “I think he is moving away, far away from Oklahoma.” I know my face showed no emotion, but it was like an ice cold lightening bolt shot thru me, all the way to my dusty worn boots. This little bit of news hit me hard, like a fist in the gut. All I said was “hmm, is that so?” L. said, “yep, I think he is going to the Texas Laredo Border to work US Border Patrol with his cousin Billy.” L. and Billy have had a stormy on/off or better defined as steamy on/off, relationship for about 6 years, so I know that if she had this news, it was a fact and not gossip. Billy has been a US Border Patrol Agent for the last 4 years and has worked at Laredo. I visited with Billy last X-Mas at L.’s house. He said things down at the Mexican border were crazy, just plain crazy and dangerous.

Just about this point of our conversation, son#1 came trotting out of the locker room side doors. I told L. if He called her again, to tell him I said to write me a letter………I wont be talking to him, it wont do Him any good anyway……

Goodbye’s All We’ve Got Left
By Steve Earle



Filed under Friends, MeMeMe

10 responses to “Goodbye Is All We’ve Got Left To Say…….

  1. Hey BG the movie i don’t know if it is scary or not. I only watched 20 minutes of it 😦 The first 5 mins I sat there going “Yup, I’m not gonna like this movie” and I gave up, normally I force myself to watch them no matter what I just couldn’t do it last night, so if you rent it tell me if it gets any better!

  2. I have killed wayyyyyyy to many brain cells in my short 37 years…
    heres part of the comment I left ya butterflychic26:

    “omg I am such a dumbasss. really I am. Son #1, his friend B. and I went to the movies and actually watched Silent Hill! I forgot because less than 1/2 way thru the movie, I left the theatre at the B-ville Mall and got my nails done! Son #1 reminded me of this when I asked him if he wanted to rent the DVD. He said” Mom! duh! remember we went and it sucked royally?” I felt like an idiot!! see what happens when you get old and have a shitload of kids, well 2 anyhow 3 counting the irritating husband… “

  3. Girl, unfortunately, I know the feeling. It feels like someone has driven a stake right through your chest. :0(

  4. You WILL make it. You are strong.

  5. I too know that feeling…..great description “a fist in the gut”. Are you thinking of calling? I know that if it was me…i’d really have a hard time not calling. But the letter is probably the best way to go….you are such a smart gal!

  6. I need to catch up on the “he” and “him” since I seem not to know something everyone else knows.

  7. Oh BG…I think it was Cow Girl who’d said life shldn’t have to be lived with so much restraint.

    And yet, we’re often asked to do just that. Whatever he’d been to you, it just was. Sometimes, they swing by and make us pause just so. To be able to not pick up that phone and call, I’m not sure I have that strength. But you’ll do what you think is right for you even if it doesn’t feel so.

    I know it xo


  8. Aniin BG,

    They never let go do they? He needs to move on and stop pinning away. Do something with his life instead of wanting yours.

    Hope you are going to have a great weekend. Hang in there hon.

  9. miss1999-yes, I just wish he’d go away…

    tara-I will make it just fine, never any doubt about me ;

    redneckgirl-nope, I WONT be calling anyone but hubby…

    paval-lol, just drama that should have been long over years ago…

    GG-sometimes I HATE doing whats right, dammit…..

    brian-you are so wise (for a man!) yes, I agree w/ your comment 200%!! I’ll be just fine 🙂

  10. Anonymous

    Thank you so much for that wonderful Steve Earle song “Goodbye is all we have left to say”, it is where I am in my life right now, and that song says exactly what I wanted to put into words. You have a beautiful website.

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