What Am I Doing Here?

What am I doing here?” I thought to myself as I sat in the parking lot. I had not been in this certain parking lot in quite a few years. Once a long time ago, I parked my vehicles in this parking lot 5 maybe 6 days a week. A lot has changed since then. The place is 100% different now. It has a foreign feel to it.

 A tidal wave of memories rushes my mind as I glance around the parking lot. Mostly happy memories with a good number of frustrated, angry, and sad mixed in.

I look around the parking lot, taking note of the vehicles parked inside the 12 foot fence. I also notice new security cameras, and paint on the buildings. I spot a new outside door that was not there years ago.

The clock catches my eye, 2 minutes to showtime. I give my face a quick once over in the visor mirror, rubbing off some lipgloss. I am happy with what I see. I exit and lock my car, stand up straight, put my game face on, and stride puposefully in freshly polished boots to the front doors. All the doubt and uneasiness I felt earlier in the morning as I was deciding what to wear had left my mind. Now I am completely confident in myself and my abilities.

I enter the lobby and immediately look around at the changes that have been made since I walked out those doors almost 7 years ago. 

I am greeted by a pleasant looking man in a uniform that I guess is close to my age. He is wearing a badge on the outside of his jacket. He greets me and shakes my hand. He has a firm handshake, not a limp noodle one (one of my pet peeves). I look into his eyes. They are big, brown, and surrounded by a fringe of dark lashes. I see kindness and intelligence in his eyes.

I explain to him who I am and why I am here. He says, “oh, good. You are here to see me then, please have a seat in there.” He points to an office off to the corner. I enter the room and have a seat.

What am I doing here?” I ask myself again “I am completely off my rocker, gone around the bend and aint never coming back.”

I know why I am here. It all started Monday just after I put Wee One down for his nap. I was in the middle of scrubbing my kitchen floors when my cell phone rang. My resume and application had been received and could I come in for an interview?

 I was taken off guard. I had totally forgotten I had sent out my resume and filled out a few applications online before Xmas. I was feeling the blahs and figured I needed to fix something. Going back to work seemed like a good idea at the time. I feel like I need a change. Staying at home has not been working for me the past several months.

He enters the room and shakes my hand again as he formally introduces himself as Lieutenant So and So in charge of Such and Such. He is smiling and makes some small talk before getting into the interview. He goes over my resume. We discuss the details, my schooling, previous experience in this line of work, prior employment, and my job skills. I am at ease, I answer his questions honesty without giving much thought to them. Knowing I do not need this job to survive makes the interview enjoyable. His smile and laughter are quick and come easily. I see in his eyes that he is amused by me. I am not sure what to make of that…

The interview comes to an end after salary discussion and it is made clear to me that I would be starting out on graveyard shift if I am hired. He informs me I meet the qualifications for the position. He has 2 other interviews and I will be hearing from him in 1 week. We say our goodbyes, another firm handshaking follows and I make my exit.

As I am leaving, I can feel him watching me. I am still not sure what to think of him. Reading people has always been fairly easy for me but this guy was a hard read.

Lost in thoughts about my interview and the guy who could quite possibly be a future boss to me, I walk across the parking lot to my car. My cell phone on my hip vibrates. I do not recognize the number from my area as I answer it.

My resume and application had been received and could I come in for an interview?

sure, what day and time?” I ask.

This is the call I want, this is the job I had in mind when I sent off those apps and resumes. This is a job I could not turn down and if I did, I would be an idiot. This interview I want to ace because I want this job. I have no doubts that many qualified people have applied for this job. But I still have a very, very good chance.

Last night when hubby got home from work, he did not even have the front doors closed and he was asking me about my job interview. He was not as opposed to me going back to work like I had anticipated. Hubby seemed genuinely happy and excited for me as I told him the details. We discussed how we might be able to manage daycare and household things in general. He did question my safety in this type of position but then after he thought about it, he knows I can take care of myself better than most people. I feel he is not thrilled with this whole thing but is accepting it because…well, because he had better or else.

Now for the big question of the day….

Will I get a job and return to the world of employment? 

I was very undecided until I got that second call…….








Filed under MeMeMe

16 responses to “What Am I Doing Here?

  1. Aniin BG,

    Very excited for you, especially about the second job which you seem to want. I say go back to work, you have made it very clear that what you have now is not working all that well. TT would be fine with you gone whether it is day or night.

    Make the choice that works for all of you, but do what you need to do to feel better.

    Love you and good luck. 🙂

  2. I’m with Brian; I think it would be a great thing for you. Besides, if it’s completely untenable, you have other options. I think this is exactly what you need to do right now.

  3. ALLRIGHT! sighs. Working is a difficult thing for mom’s with small kids, but you will feel so much better after being in your own world for those hours of the day!

    good luck. Good vibes. I am holding a vision of you getting the job you want, enjoying it, and being safe.


  4. Good luck! But I’m going to miss my blog buddy being around as often.

  5. Rebecca

    HMMM..a couple of calls. It could be a sign that you need some of your own “time”. YOu get your own money and (you own massages and days at the spa)….
    Plus new people your own age to work with and around. Go for it. What have you got to lose?

  6. my son loves that picture lol

  7. Lu

    Geez!! If this is what you really want, I am very glad for you…be very sure and then just do it!!
    I have just found this blog and will really miss it!!!
    Hours could be better, but you need this , we think!!! Good luck!!!!!!

  8. another cliff hanger….
    I’ll stay tuned.

  9. I’m on the edge of my seat with this! WOW!! You-a lotsa motsa!! People calling you left and right.

    Whatever you decide to do, you know that we will support you. And….

    Congrats on being BadAss!!!

  10. OOOOOOOOOH I can’t wait to hear MORE!!

  11. Hey BG..ditto what Brian said, and congratulations.
    I’m on my way out of town in a cpl hours, but will “stay tuned”. I’m very happy for you!

  12. Then you will be blogging at midnight like me.

    I’m curious about the next interview and if you get the job.

  13. BG…!! I’m gone for a bit and look at you..! you go Girl..! If it works for you and makes you happy then I hope you get the job you want, it sounds like you thought this out and want it, so good luck…hoping your cell phone ring with good news soon!!! btw, thanks for your kind words my friend…m

  14. brian-thnx. tomorrow is the big day

    doe-it might be exactly what I need

    mel-keep the goodvibes coming until 5pm tomorrow please!

    jenny-nothings concrete yet…..I still have that 2nd interview

    rebecca-the money part is a plus…Id rather work part-time tho and this type of work doesnt have that sort of thing

    anne-I kinda felt like sponge bob while in ‘the chair’.

    lu-Id never abandon my blog or blogger buddies

    hope-hopefully this wont be a cliffhanger for long

    pinky-not exactly left and right….Ive gotten 3 calls. 2 interviews on friday. One is a repeat from tues

    lael-I wont keep ya hanging

    magz-thnx! stay safe travelling

    pamela-not if Im on the graveyard shift which that what it looks like Ill get…

    madd-your welcome 🙂

  15. I’m so excited for you! I do hope you get the job you want…

  16. Your blog is on the very high level and includes a lot of very interesting information and was very useful for me.

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