One day before I became ill, the first imposter sighting was brought to my attention. I was scrubbing the bathrooms when I heard my cell phone ring. I stop what I am doing and answer it. It is my guy friend D:
D,” what are you doing?”
Me,” scrubbing toilets, wanna come over and help?”
D, ” you are not. I just saw you at the 4-way (stop) in town and you ignored me.”
Me, “wasnt me, I am at home and have been all morning since I dropped off Wee One.”
Me, ” yes! why would I lie about it? geesh!”
D, “I swear it was you in your car. It looked just like you.”
Me, “not me, shouldnt you be working or something?”
D, “yep Im driving to a location now, gotta go. Bye”
The second time the imposter fools someone. It is a few days after the first incidence and D’s phone call. It happens on a school day and the time is 12:10pm. Wee One and I are driving home from his school when my cell phone rings, it is Bubba:
Bubba, “Hey mom. I see you in your car right now”
Me, “what arent you at school? why arent you at wrestling practice?”
Bubba, “Im outside at the school playing hoops because the wrestling room is full with the high schoolers meeting. I just saw you drive by the courts. Why didnt you stop? Im hungry and I am not eating the school food today, it’s meatloaf. yuck.”
I dislike meatloaf with a passion so I would never, ever make anyone eat that crap. Growing up it reminded me of the Ole Shep dog food my Grandmother fed her nasty little pom, his name was Chico and he was not a nice dog.
Me, “it is not me, I am half way between F ‘s ranch and home.”
Bubba, “uhuh, it was you, I saw your hair.”
Me, “how can I physically be 30 mi away from Wee One’s school at 12:10? I pick him up at noon everyday. think about it.”
Bubba, “huh, it sure looked like you.”
Me, “nope. guess you’ll have to eat out of the vending machine. Try not to eat just crap okay? see ya at 5 pm after practice.”
Bubba, “okayyyyy. bye.”
Third scenario. It was the morning of Wee One’s first Tulsa dentist appointment. I dropped off Wee One at preschool and was going back to pick him up at 11am then we were traveling on to Tulsa. I sped home and unloaded the dishwasher, then I was in the process of doing the laundry, when my cell phone rang:
Hubs, “what are you doing?”
Me, “throwing laundry into the dryer. why?”
Hubs, “I thought I saw you pulling out of the drive thru at the bank.”
Me, “nope. Ive been home since 8:15 am.”
Me, “dont you believe me? because if ya do not, you can drive your happy ass home and check out my story.”
Hubs, “ no, I believe you. It just really, really looked like you.”
Me, ” hmm”
Hubs, ” I was driving thru the alley behind the city law shop going to the bank’s drive thru. I was going to cash a check for you incase you did not have enough cash.”
Me, “I did that yesterday. I have enough cash, if I have an emergency, I have my MasterCard.”
Hubs, “do not use the card, it’s nearly paid off.”
Me, “okay, okay, okay.”
Hubs, “bye and dont use the MasterCard when we have the cash.”
Me, “see ya.”
A Fourth time. This past Saturday best friend L left me a voicemail message on my cell phone when I was outside doing barn chores :
Best friend L’s message, “I just saw you pulling out of the Git-N-Go and the carwash, R and I are going to eat at Bad Brads, we were just calling you to see if you wanted to eat with us…..that is if you feel well enough to eat. I hope your feeling better. Call me when you get this.”
Even my in-laws had mentioned seeing me and my car in town when I was not anywhere near town.
When I purchased my car over 2 years ago, new, it was fairly unique and no one else had one in the same color or year as I.
Eventually, a couple of people bought the same make, model, year, color as my car but those people did not look anything like me at all.
Now there is a driver out there in a car exactly like mine, who,evidentially, is a spitting image of my big, blonde, self.
I am thinking it is time for a Vanity plate on my car!
for hubs to purchase me that 2008 Ford Mustang convertible I so desperately want….
Saturday I sent hubs to Wal-Mart for laundry detergant, rapid release Tylenol gelcaps, and Tidy Cat Multi-Cat kitty litter (the scoopable kind, I only use this brand it is by far worth the money!)
Hubs did buy everything on the list but came home with one thing extra….A BUBBLE MACHINE.
What was he thinking??????!!!!!!!????????!!!!!